As in my last blog I have felt that God is breaking down all the things I put my strength in. It's like an onion, there are layers and as you peel them away you eventually get to the core of everything.
As a defence to getting hurt I've done this layering I've blocked myself in shut myself in a small room and built up thick walls around me so that no one can reach me. It's like an analogy I thought up earlier. Imagine a cut, a large cut, it starts to heal and you let someone see it but instead of helping you to heal they get a knife and split it open again. You hurt and the pain is bigger than the pain before but you start to heal again. Then you forget that pain and you open up again and it happens all over again. Therefore as a result I have built up a protection around myself.
Recently I have felt that God is stripping away the layers and getting to my core to who I really am. It's really hard because I try to protect myself and to keep my barriers up because I don't want to get a chance to hurt me again.
I have to build my trust and faith in God and He has the power to get me through it. I also think secondly I need to open myself up to those that care for and love me and therefore want to help me. In away God has put these people there for me to lean on them and to see His love for me through them
Thank you Jesus you are opening my eyes.
Friday 26 June 2009
Wednesday 24 June 2009
I'm trying to get into the routine of blogging again yikes!!!
I haven't blogged in awhile been busy my computer broke down was too lazy to write anything plus I was scared to put my feelings onto paper in case i realised how difficult life actually is and was. Tonight was weird. I felt God had put on my heart the story of Samson Judges 13-16.
I have realised the possibility that the hardships that have been going on in my life could focus around the fact that God is testing me. Firstly possibly to see when I will lean on him and to see whether my priorities really do lie with Jesus. I think I have also come to the realisation that God is breaking down all the things I build my strength up on to show me just how unstable these things are. Therefore I need to place all my strength in God and all the things that i placed my strength in before need to be essentially broken down.
Going back to the story of Samson at the end of his life and the end of his story ch.16v.30Samson said, "Let me die with the Philistines!" Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived. What really amazed me about the story was that after he had all his strength stripped from him; God restored his power and he brought down the Philistine's and he did more then than he had in his entire life before that. In my understanding it can be said that God made him stronger after he stripped him of his original strength. I'm not in any way saying I'm physically like Samson no where close, but what I would say was that God is stripping away the things I put my strength in so that I am in a sense forced to rely on God to be my strength, to be my provider to be the person I hold on to in the middle of a storm and know that God is enough for me.
In the last few months I have felt attacked from every angle and I am not exaggerating when I say everything. I have been angry with God, I've blamed God asked him why all these things. I've come to the realisation I've been in effect ignoring what God says to me. I've felt God saying what about your time with me what about your studying of me and I've been ignoring it. I make bible reading plans read a bit then forget and i realise I need to be disciplined, I need to sit and meditate on God and to place my life in his hands. Today at training the speaker Dave Wisker said while he was sick he said I gave my life to Jesus when I became a christian therefore my life is in Jesus' hands why should I not trust. This same idea i should hold onto my life is in God's hands I should therefore live in that way.
Thank you Jesus I can have this relationship with you.
I have realised the possibility that the hardships that have been going on in my life could focus around the fact that God is testing me. Firstly possibly to see when I will lean on him and to see whether my priorities really do lie with Jesus. I think I have also come to the realisation that God is breaking down all the things I build my strength up on to show me just how unstable these things are. Therefore I need to place all my strength in God and all the things that i placed my strength in before need to be essentially broken down.
Going back to the story of Samson at the end of his life and the end of his story ch.16v.30Samson said, "Let me die with the Philistines!" Then he pushed with all his might, and down came the temple on the rulers and all the people in it. Thus he killed many more when he died than while he lived. What really amazed me about the story was that after he had all his strength stripped from him; God restored his power and he brought down the Philistine's and he did more then than he had in his entire life before that. In my understanding it can be said that God made him stronger after he stripped him of his original strength. I'm not in any way saying I'm physically like Samson no where close, but what I would say was that God is stripping away the things I put my strength in so that I am in a sense forced to rely on God to be my strength, to be my provider to be the person I hold on to in the middle of a storm and know that God is enough for me.
In the last few months I have felt attacked from every angle and I am not exaggerating when I say everything. I have been angry with God, I've blamed God asked him why all these things. I've come to the realisation I've been in effect ignoring what God says to me. I've felt God saying what about your time with me what about your studying of me and I've been ignoring it. I make bible reading plans read a bit then forget and i realise I need to be disciplined, I need to sit and meditate on God and to place my life in his hands. Today at training the speaker Dave Wisker said while he was sick he said I gave my life to Jesus when I became a christian therefore my life is in Jesus' hands why should I not trust. This same idea i should hold onto my life is in God's hands I should therefore live in that way.
Thank you Jesus I can have this relationship with you.
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