When life throws you a curve ball.

This month for me has been one of ups and downs disappointments and encouragemments all rolled into one. Probably more of a down than an up. This month has almost been like beat Tracey down month and make her feel shit.


Firstly, someone I hold dear was ripped away from me because I am controlled by my parents and there control over my life was restored by breaking my heart. I am also treated like a child by my parents and I am ordered around like I cant have a thought for yourself or i don't deserve to have a mind of my own too.

Watching The Simpson's movie I realised how wrong parents can get it and how they can't see the manifestations of their actions towards their children.

My parents have hurt me in so many ways emotionally but this is the last straw they are trying to take away my happiness. All I can do from here on out is pray that they will change their minds and that they will release me from some of their control and i can have a life.

Ok some of the hopefully good stuff I feel that God has been taiking to me and that i am not alone and that he is here with me in every situation. I feel more confident in my relationship with God and feel more able to talk about God to others so that is my highlight of the month so far.

Being bullied is a rough thing but what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.

I have been bullied through out most of my school life. When i started High School in Jamaica when i was 12 I went to a new school with my best friend she compleltly turned on me and she and her new friends made my life hell i used to make myself sick so i wouldnt have to go to school. When I was 13 i moved to England from Jamaica, people thought I lied about coming from Jamaica cause i didnt really have a strong accent and didnt fit the stereotypes of being jamaican. Therefore they picked on me cause they thought i was lying and that i was being uppity. I also used to sit down and read all the time and not chat about girly stuff and make up and crap so they thought i was being snotty or just being a loser. I then moved school cause it got really bad. I was then the girl trying to fit in trying to make myself the same as eveyone it never worked. I basically started pretending i was different to who i really was in about grade 10 and trying to fit in with a bad crowd. I ended up depressed and lonely. I got some new friends who realised I was quite a weirdo and then would talk about me behind my back. I have been bullied through out all my school life. I finished school last year and I have realised I am 1 not ugly 2 can make friends 3 have friends who do care about me 4 don't need to make myself depressed thinking about all the b!tchy comments made by those silly girls in my school life. I have learned alot about myself in the last year and i have realised all girls can be evil little wotsits just cause we moan about each other and b!tch about each other. Also I have realised being bullied is not a lifelong curse and if its endured even when thats difficult you come out the other side so much stronger for it.

Loke! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I can guess you are wanderin wats Loke it my new word for in between like and love cause you can more than like someone and less than love them so i believe a new word is suited to this feeling. I judge this on a scale of 1-10, 1 being like and 10 being love. It depends on you im assuming how far along the scale you are. he closer you are to 10 the more in love you are.

The reason for the new tracey word is tht i am basically in tht place. I think im on the lower side of five but above 2 lol but the loke is there. I think its such a hard thing to describe cause theres tht uncertainty and just the not knowing what it is the feeling you're experiencing is.

The feeling of loke is a strange one cause you never know what ur getting. It is however a good feeling cause its a happy feeling.