Insecurity

Life can be a battle and things around you can get you down. I get down sometimes and usually its because i have some bad insecurities and not great self-esteem. I always focus on what people think about me and worry about how they see me, because of this I'm forever thinking about how i look and how others see me. I always worry about whether im too fat or if my clothes are not good enough or if im worth to be around, I guess being bullied didn't help.

However over the past year God has been working miracles in my life. He has been showing me that he loves me and that I am his creation and that I am wonderfully and that he does love me. Psalms 139 is my most inspirational verse I have come to depend on it especially when I start to criticise myself . Verses 13 - 16 are the most important verses for this:

13For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.16Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

God has made me and I am his creation so who am I to criticise his creation. God knows me inside out He has made me the way I am. I sometimes forget that and I fall back again but God just picks me up again and shows me his word and I know that he does love and that people around me do love me and do care about me and see beyond the external and don't see all the inperfections that I see. Therefore I shouldn't put myself down cause I have God on my side

Bognor Regis Weekend away

I went away with my church to a Newfrontiers weekend away at Butlins in Bognor Regis. It was definatly a great time of just getting to know my friends more and getting together and hanging out. On friday my family and i came in on the coach as mentioned previously. We got into our room and into the groove quickly both Debs and Danielle didnt get there till much later. When Danielle arrived she didnt have a key to her room cause the girls whos name was on the room hadnt arrived yet so we sat around for ages tryin to sprt it out eventually it was with a lot of drama. Then we found out that there were 2 extra spaces in the room so i moved out of my parnets room and into danielle's room. We then went to the meeting which was about the Holy Spirit and how there was almost what you could call a rediscovery of the Holy Spirit a while back and how this led into mission and cultivated an attitude to the nations of the world. The main verse was 2 Corinthians 10:12-18. The first point was 'Renewal led to Restoration' This part was that basically the renewal of the Holy Spitit led to restoration of the Holy Spirit in church and in people's minds. This was essentially when people started to move away from spirit deprived churches and nto the power of the Holy Spirit. This 'Restoration led to to Mission' The Holy Spirit laid on people's heart the need for us to evangelise. The way this was said was that we are made into a light for the world to bring those who are lost back to God. When i heard this i thought of a light and how people will go towards a light in darkness and move towards what is perceived as warmth and a shelter and a safe place which is basically God. Also in regards to ministry your personal life with God impacts on a wider spectrum than just you . Avts 18:11.


After the meeting was over we had a nice chilled time we decided me and a couple others to go to the beach and play ultimate frisbee basically the funnest game ever even if it does involve severe bruising and bashing that could be bacause we did it on a stone beach in the middle of the nigh and not on grass or on sand. I did get war wounds a proud busted lip teehee. Half way through danielle told me we had scored the biggest room with the double bed way kl. Had to go to Guest services and get room keys done up the first of many many trips. Chatted on msn for a while then went to bed.

The next morning i was up at the crack of dawn and danielle and I had a prayer and bible study time which was so great i just felt close to God the whole day after that. We had breakfast which was quite a hilarious time with ppl gettin 2/3 meals (this was a repeat of dinner the night before - the people in our 20s group are completely barmy and we are a wild bunch) The morning meeting was about God's vision for the church the praise and worship was just such a great time i just felt God's presence and really just felt so close to Him. The talk was lead by David Stroud. He spoke on Matthew 5:13, Genesis 1:26. In the talk he discussed how everything is a part of God's plan down to the tinyest thing. He spoke about the fall in Genesis 3. He suggested that thsi led to almost 2 worlds the good creation of God and the broken and twisted world we live in now. Some people can experience both they can see the beauty and the spirit filled moments and the bitter, twisted and evil side where people kill and maim and rape and rob and commit all types of sin. The sign of decay can be seen in so many different ways 1 through popular arts and popular cukture, 2 through violence on the street, 3 through poverty. The Church should be the salt and the light of the world and should be what gets people out of the sinful cycle of society. As christians we should look to shape and change culture.

After the meeting we all hung out around the site then we all went different ways i went and had a swim in the pool it had a way cool wave machine and loads of amazing slides and besically all round fun, I had a race against my dad and my sister across the bredth of the pool and i won even against my dad who is like 6 ft 3 the best feeling ever and im not even a super strong swimmer i can defintly manage myself but that was incredible. After this we went to the pub and had a drink with Debs and her friend and had a bit of a chill out time.

Part 2 to follow

The country side

On the way to my church's weekend away. Drivin along the M25 the view is stellar. Its super cramped on the coach but its nice and chilled on here even though someone was having a lovely tim eating some fish stuff seriously stuffy coach and fish dont go together. With 'lovely' music coming out of the coach stereo. Its cool though cause we are going for a weekend of pure bliss and relaxation and God stuff, well cool. Over and out tracey

God's love radiates through me!!

Today was our first cluster cell group for the start of the year. Today was an amazing gathering the praise and worship was electric and i just felt alive. The guy who was speaking today just opened my eyes to some facts that are so true and yet i didn't see them before or if i did i didn't get the full impact. I realised that you had to get into God's ways and forget your ways of doing things and the way the world around operates. This is a call to focus full on God and to put our trust in him. God also pours out lavish gifts upon us christians when in reality we are probably not worth to receive these gifts. The gifts however are for us and we need to get into God and imerse our selves in God and into his love for us and to follow God's plan for us. God's love for us made him give the hugest sacrifice to us the unworthy sinners but because of forgiveness we can be held in high regard with God. Personally as a Christian I sometimes hold back in my expression of God in my life, however we have to realise that everything every single thing is possible through God. The Holy Spirit is apart of n us and through God's power we become supernatural because he is within us and the gifts of the spirit just burst out of us. Basically wht im trying to say is we have to step out in faith and in God AND JUST HAVE CONFIDENCE IN WHAT GOD IS DOING with us.

Cheese!!!!!!!

Cheese is an interesting thing and i really do enjoy eating cheese. I dont like big slabs of it. For example, when i was in school they made these awful sandwiches the was a roll cut in half with margarine and a half inch thick slice of cheese seriously it was manky and the sold it for a pound fifty. seriously what a rip off!!! I like eating it grated or melted on a slice of thick 50/50 toast or on pizza or cooked in rice and cheesy which is a blissful dish. Cheese however also represents my microbiology science classes when we learned about the bacteria that made it seriously that was a gross lesson but i was intrigued cheese is basically rotten congeled milk. I actually don't like milk it is not paticularly good for anyone and im forever telling people not to drink it in particular cow's milk sorry moomoo but seriously its not something that is compatible with our bodies yep it provides calcium and such stuff but still babies can't drink it cause it'll completely mess up their digestive systems aren't we the same beings as babies if not a bit more sturdy. Anyways... Cheese is really good even though milk is not so great but thats why God made alpro soya oh yeah!!!

Much appreciation for the totally random topic from DEBS

A step back and a review

I will eventually settle down into blogging. This year and the end of last year was such a rollarcoster and i will try to type it all out. I started working for this christian organization that does youth work in schools and im having a blast. Last term we had to do a study on a book of the bible i chose to do the forbidden one Song of Solomon [lol]. It was really good for me to have done it and I learned so much about myself as well as what God wants from me as a sacrifice. I then decided to give up guys for a year as a promise to myself that i really want to keep and i have so far. But, seriously they just seem to crawl out of the wood work. I really want to settle not end anything i want to do but to get married have a loving relationship have my education and a good job and such stuff. I can hear the groans ur so young? what do you know about love? Ur not ready for a relationship. Yes I do agree that to a certain extent these things are true but i can't wait. This is why i feel this year will be a time for me to collate myself to ggrow up and mature not just physically or personally but in my relationship with God. And when temptation sets in i just need to hang on to the fact that this will make me so much stronger of a person and as a woman.